There are certain topics that scream single Christian. Sex and singleness is one of those topics. How does one life a fulfilling single, Christian life in a culture inundated with sexual imagery? Author Hafeez Baoku has entered the fray with his new project, Sex, God, and the Single Life: An Honest Journey to Satisfying Intimacy. But his work isn’t the usual “save yourself for marriage because the Bible says so” reflection on sex and the single life. It’s real. It’s transparent. It’s compelling.
A Healthy Sexuality
In the book, Hafeez speaks candidly about his own pursuit of a healthy sexuality. He recounts stories of friends giving him a distorted view of sexuality. As most of us can remember, sex education at school was a joke. Because others failed to help him develop a healthy sex ethic, Baoku admits to receiving his early sex education from Hollywood films. Who couldn’t relate to that?
The Grand Design
Hafeez then introduces the reader to God’s grand design for sex. Sex is good! God created it that way. Hafeez notes that, “Sex is the greatest physical representation of real intimacy between a man a woman” (43). Baoku also notes sin’s ability to fracture that good thing. In analyzing the cultural practices of selfish sexuality, he addresses many taboo issues, including 2-D sex (yeah, 2-D…better known as porn), friends with benefits, and no strings attached forms of expression. Offering advice to fellow singles on what it takes to become a great lover, the book dispels the myth that sex or relationships will bring us fulfillment. The single person needs to know that its “God, not sex, in whom our hearts desperately desire to be fully satisfied” (79).
Avoiding the Waiting Room
But Baoku isn’t just throwing out Christian cliches. He provides practical ways Christians can experience a joy-filled existence apart from sex. Singleness, according to Baoku, isn’t just a waiting room—hoping to get a shot of joy with the needle labeled marriage. Rather, singles can benefit from joy-filled, intimate friendships with (even opposite-gender relationships)—something he details in Chapter 8 (which happens to be my favorite chapter in the book).
Though I’m married, much of what Baoku writes in this book would have resonated with my single self when I was trying to determine ways to live a joyous, single life. I especially appreciated his practical steps for purity (which he also gives a fresh perspective on—it’s not your abstinence ring ceremony type common with young people).
I applaud Baoku’s recognition of his own limitations as a single male. He offers a great Q&A in the epilogue with an older, godly married couple and a young, single woman. It shows his thoughtful approach in making sure he captured information he might not be aware of as a single male. I would commend this book to singles who are thinking through issues of sexuality and intimacy. There are ways you can express your sexuality as a single that leads to God-honoring, intimate relationships. And you don’t have to be frustrated doing it. In Sex, God, and the Single Life, Baoku outlines ways to avoid that frustration.
The book releases today, July 5th, and is available for purchase on Amazon.